Tattle Tale or Tattered Tale?

ATTENTION: READER DISCRETION ADVISED!

I think it is safe to say that most of us learned the term “tattle tale” when we were children, running around the neighborhood or playground, playing with other kids. The label “tattle tale” has a negative connotation and it was something that, as a child, you most certainly didn’t want to be known as. Telling on someone for doing something bad was and seemingly still is considered taboo. In certain parts of society, it is called “snitching” and most folks have heard the term “snitches get stitches”. No matter how it is worded or labeled, the idea of purposely shedding light on someone doing something bad is not a good idea. A large part of society seems to want you to turn your head the other way and mind your own business. But should one listen to those voices or their conscience?

We all as individuals have choices to make in life; every move, every word coming out of our mouth. We have the power to choose. I have always firmly believed in owning your mistakes. If you fuck up, admit it, recognize it, take the steps you have to take to right your wrongs and let those lessons help shape you and keep moving you forward towards being a better version of yourself. However, what I have learned thus far in my life is that there are many people who have a hard time looking at themselves in the mirror; be it the ego that prevents them from admitting when they are wrong or a much deeper rooted issue that keeps an individual from being able to self examine themselves. There also are just shitty people out there who continue to make choices that they know are not good and they don’t give a fuck. Is it really that simple though? And what do you do when you come across people like that? At what point should a human throw the whole “snitches get stitches” mentality out the window and stand up and speak out about something bad that they saw someone do?

To me, a “snitch” is someone who made a decision to do something bad and they got caught and to get a lesser punishment, they tell on someone else rather than truly OWN what they did. THAT is a snitch to me. But what about when you, as merely a witness, see or know of harm purposely inflicted on an innocent person? Do you mind your own business? Or do you stand up and speak out? Now I’m about to get REAL real.

There is a little girl in my life whom I call my niece. I love her with all of my heart and have since before she was born. I have been holding her since she was itty bitty teeny tiny. She is the daughter of one of my very best friends of over 20 years and his girlfriend. Baby girl and I have a very special relationship. Her mother had a hard time adjusting to motherhood. I often would help out because I was always around and while I am not a mother myself, I have always had a natural nurturing quality about myself. Kids love me. I am the one who taught baby girl how to snap, to throw up a peace sign, to swing on a swing without being pushed, to dip her french fries in vanilla milkshakes (which she still does to this day). I am the one who would take her to the park regularly because neither parent would do that. I would set up painting sessions at my kitchen table for her (she loved painting). I have taught her about making choices and having to accept that she can’t get a candy bar in the store if we are about to go get ice cream. I have reminded her always about saying please and thank you because, well, that is the polite thing to say. I have done everything I can in my power to give baby girl the love and support and guidance that I believe a child needs and deserves from the adult figures in their lives. I have tried to teach her kindness and respect; and everything I have done I am slowly seeing slip away and be overshadowed by her parents, especially her mothers, toxic behavior.

My relationship with baby girls mom has always been cordial. Even though my friend has expressed for years his unhappiness with her and I know all of the unsavory antics of hers, I have always made a point to keep things chill for the sake of baby girl and my friend. It has not always been easy, but I have always managed. Until now.

I have watched my friends mental, emotional and physical health decline since his girlfriend came in to his life. I have hated it and it has hurt me to watch, but he has felt stuck. He has told me about her threats of taking baby girl away and all sorts of other awful, toxic things she has said and done. I have watched him go from being a clean, organized person who tried to maintain his unhealthy weight by eating healthy to becoming someone who drinks at least a 5th of whiskey a day, household a mess and healthy food being replaced with fast food. I have always understood that it has been difficult for his girlfriend to accept that her boyfriends best friend is a girl. I have always had a fantastic relationship with his parents and other family members and I have always considered them family and vice versa. The reality is that my friends girlfriend trapped him with a baby. She lied to him about TONS of things, one of them being on birth control and he was never able to get over that. I know for a fact that she has struggled with trying to get him to fall in love with her. Regardless, with my consistent efforts at showing her that I’m not a threat, my friends girlfriend eventually warmed up to me over time and I have always tried to see the good in her despite the many stories from my friend, his family and even HER best friend. I have stood up for her during moments when I truly felt she deserved it because my friend was being an ass. But it has gotten to the point where she is making it damn near impossible for me to stay silent anymore. Yet I still keep my mouth shut, until (obviously) now.

For almost a year now, there has been a consistently growing frequency of cocaine use in the household. At first it worried me because my friend did use it socially from time to time over the years but it was before baby girl existed. At first he would lie to me about it. But eventually I called him out and explained that I would rather still be invited over to hang out even if he was doing that. He assured me it was an occasional thing only on the weekends. However, I have watched it rapidly take over their lives. I can not recall the last time I was there where there hasn’t been cocaine use and I don’t know what to do.

My friend, his girlfriend and baby girl have a roommate who has been living with them for about 6 or 7 years. Her and I have always been cool, but we have gotten way closer in the last year. She has been spilling the tea for months and months, telling me all of the behind the scenes shit going on in that household. At first I appreciated her keeping me in the loop. I felt like baby girl had at least one adult in the house looking out for her. Very quickly that feeling of appreciation turned to disgust and anger. Roommate would rant and rave to me about my friends girlfriend scrounging around for cocaine crumbs the second she got off work or bitch about how she would steal coke from my friend, but as roommate would tell me these stories, she herself was all coked up. Weekend after weekend, their house has turned into a low key cocaine party spot. Meth heads and coke heads coming over and partying while baby girl is there and sometimes with one of her little friends staying the night. I would get so angry inside as I watched them get more and more geeked out of their minds, wanting so badly to get away from that negative energy but staying because somehow in my mind I felt like my presence was protecting baby girl. But the reality is I would eventually have to leave and go home and I couldn’t take baby girl with me. So I would go home, leaving baby girl in that house with her coked out parents and roommate and whatever other low life individuals that would come around, and I would have trouble sleeping.

About two months ago, roommate told me that baby girls mom was doing coke with baby girl in the room. Baby girls mom was getting more careless with her drug use. Roommate also proceeded to complain about baby girls parents wanting her to keep an eye on baby girl while they would go snort a line. “She’s not my child, she’s not my fucking responsibility.” As I heard roommate say this, I wanted to reach across the center console of my car and strangle her coked out ass. NO SHE’S NOT YOUR CHILD BUT YOU CALL HER YOUR NIECE AND YOU HAVE LIVED WITH HER SINCE SHE WAS A BABY! PROTECT HER DAMN IT! But no. I kept it cool so I could continue to get more information. But for what? I keep having hope that they will get their shit together but it has been the same story, over and over, getting a little worse each time.

Baby girls mom is a child care provider. She works at a daycare, being paid to take care of babies, toddlers and young children. I have seen her, when I picked up her daughter early in the morning over the summer on Fridays, go to work after she just snorted some coke. I have watched her party and go to the bathroom to snort line after line, less than 9 hours before she is going to work the next morning, in charge of watching a bunch of children. Their roommate has also told me similar stories taking place on other week nights.

So, the cocaine use and partying with baby girl there is no longer a once in a while thing. It is not even an only on the weekend thing. It is a throughout the week thing. Because baby girls mom is hooked and she blames my friend for giving it to her. Roommate and my friend are seemingly able to keep it under control during the week. Sort of. But baby girls mom? No.

I have struggled with the idea of reporting her. Reporting them. But I catch myself because I realize that I have to be very careful. I love baby girl so much and I want so much to protect her. I see her parents neglecting her, giving her their cell phone so she can go zombie out for hours and hours and hours watching crazy “child-friendly” Youtube videos so they can focus on partying. They feed her Ramen noodles, candy and other junk every day, easy for them because anything else would require too much attention and effort. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to see baby girls weight increase and her desire to paint or go run around at the park decrease. Their coffee table used to be filled with beads and coloring pencils and paper for baby girl. I don’t even know if she owns those items anymore.

The last straw for me was two nights ago. I went to visit them all at their house. I was hanging out with baby girl and her best friend outside. Baby girls mom came outside, eyes lit up with cocaine and a story to tell me. She proceeded to casually talk about how she hit baby girl a week before and justify why she did it. I couldn’t believe what I heard. I repeated it because I was so shocked. “You said you hit her?” “Yea I slapped her across her face because she was getting mouthy. It was okay it just left a red mark.” I fucking wanted to beat her ass. I have ALWAYS told baby girls dad that I would do anything in my power to protect her. Both of baby girls parents know that if she is with me, she is safe. I NEVER in a million years expected to feel like I need to protect her from her very own mother. As baby girls mom continued to flap her jaws, I got lost in my thoughts, drowning in questions. Is that normal? Is that okay for a parent to hit their 8 year old child in the face? Do I even have a right to have an opinion? As I watched baby girl and her friend play, I could feel my heart break. I felt helpless.

We went inside and I saw that baby girls meth head uncle and their meth head neighbor were hanging out in the kitchen. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I sat with the little girls on the couch and we played with some little toy that they had. It made a mold of any object that it would touch. Baby girl says to me “Look!” and shows me the toy. It had taken the shape of her middle finger. I said “No Lucy! You don’t do that to people you love!” Baby girl says nothing but her mother says from behind me, “Hey, Lucy (fake name) HIIII!” and flips baby girl off. Baby girl laughs and runs in to their roommates room and calls her name from the doorway. When roommate responds, baby girl says “Hi!!!” and flips her off. Roommate got mad and told her that she shouldn’t do that. I was fucking FURIOUS. To me, if a mother fucker flips me off, they are asking for trouble. It is rude, insulting and like I said to baby girl, not something you do to people you love; and this is what her fucking mom is teaching her? I know her fucking mom heard what I said to baby girl. So why would she encourage that? Because she is a shitty mom. I said it. Call me judgemental, I’ll own it on this. But the moment she told me that she hit baby girl and said it without a skip in beat, NO remorse whatsoever, I lost ALL respect for her. That is BABY GIRL! What in the FUCK?!

So now here I am feeling stuck. What do I do? If I call the authorities, they will no doubt remove baby girl. Because they WILL find drugs and they WILL see known criminals and drug addicts over there at the house and they WILL see that baby girls parents are fucked up. So where does baby girl go? The awful foster care system? She has NO ONE to protect her! All of the adults that are a part of her every day life are either on drugs or would rather not be bothered. My friends parents were coke heads themselves when my friend and his brother were kids. They were raised by their grandpa and one of their uncles for a period of time. They don’t do coke now, but they do not protect their grandchildren from their meth head, violent other son and they don’t have the patience. They also already take care of their meth head sons daughter. Baby girls other grandma is busy a lot and, according to my friend over the years, is manipulative and lacks in morals. So what do I do? Do I continue to watch baby girls physical and mental health decline because her parents would rather snort cocaine and party than be parents? Do I stand by and continue to listen to my friends girlfriend tell me stories of hitting baby girl for acting a way that she herself taught her daughter how to act? Children are sponges! They soak up EVERYTHING. That is why it is so important for children to be surrounded by positive adult role models in life. I have tried so hard to be that for baby girl and to see her slowly slip in to what surely will turn in to depression and mental and emotional trauma is causing an unsettling feeling inside of me that I can’t shake. Do I say something? And if so, who do I say something to? Do I try, again, to talk to my friend and risk him not allowing me over there any more, or worse, because he is stubborn and in denial? Do I call baby girls school and ask that they keep an eye out for signs of physical abuse? Do I tell them that her home is infested with drug use? Do I report baby girls mom to HER own work place? She is in charge of and trusted with other peoples children for fucks sake! And I know some of those parents personally!

I have a weight on my shoulders that I don’t know what to do with. This has been affecting my sleep. This has been causing me intense feelings of stress. This has made me consider making peace with the idea of going to jail for beating the living crap out of baby girls mom. This has made me come to terms with the fact that, if I speak out, I am putting my own life at risk. I am lost. I don’t know what to do. I promised to always look out for baby girl and to protect her. I never thought I would have to protect her from her own parents. Do I risk being a tattle tale to try and protect baby girl? Or do I stay silent and watch this become a tattered tale?